What it's like to be British🇬🇧

• Not hearing someone for the

third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best

• Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door.

• Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit.

• Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home.

• The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector

• “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it.

• Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again.


• Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon.

• Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it.

• Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave.

• Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible.

• The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about.

• Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake.

• Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot.

• Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink.

• “You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit.

• Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it.

• Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever.

• Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you.