Just another night staring at the ceiling 😔😂it’s not even sad

anymore it’s seems like a weakness maybe I’m just scared to go to sleep and die in my sleep maybe it’s because I’m afraid of death what if that’s what insomnia is!?I feel so sad for my friends that have to deal with me 😔 I complain about everything and make something in to big thing what am I is the real question! Am I human or a monster because what others see is not what I see they see sweet beautiful cute but when I look in the mirror I see a ugly fat something in the mirror at I even real?i ask myself that everyday!THESE ARE JUST THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD wth should I do