(Man and the Supermarket story)
🎭 Type: Comedic
👨 Character: Man, always talks about being positive but constantly spirals into negativity
🗒 Summary: The Man talks about getting hit in a supermarket by a woman
MAN: 🗣 I was in the supermarket the other day about to buy some tuna fish when I sensed this very disturbed presence right behind me. There was something about her focus that made it very clear to me that she was a disturbed person. So I thought – well, you should never look at a crazy person directly, so I thought, I’ll just keep looking at these tuna fish cans, pretending to be engrossed in whether they’re in oil or in water, and the person will then go away. But instead wham! she brings her fist down on my head and screams “would you move, asshole!” (Pause.) Now why did she do that? She hadn’t even said, “would you please move” at some initial point, so I would’ve known what her problem was. Admittedly I don’t always tell people what I want either – like the people in the movie theatres who keep talking, you know, I just give up and resent them -but on the other hand, I don’t take my fist and go wham! on their heads!
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