# 【高情商沟通30-对话】无论婚姻还是友谊，连接所有陪伴关系的纽带都是对话。 如果想要成为超级沟通者，我们需要仔细倾... ## Quick Navigation - [Find Partners](https://www.hellotalk.com/partners.md): Discover language exchange partners worldwide - [Language Exchange](https://www.hellotalk.com/partners/exchange.md): Practice with native speakers worldwide - [Moments](https://www.hellotalk.com/moments.md): Share your language learning journey - [Topics](https://www.hellotalk.com/topics.md): Explore trending topics and discussions - [Chat & Messaging](https://www.hellotalk.com/features/chat.md): Text, voice, and video conversations - [Voice Rooms](https://www.hellotalk.com/features/voiceroom.md): Join live audio conversations - [Live Streaming](https://www.hellotalk.com/features/live-streaming.md): Interactive classes and language sessions - [Certified Teachers](https://www.hellotalk.com/features/certified-teachers.md): Learn from professional language instructors - [Immersive Learning](https://www.hellotalk.com/features/immersive-learning.md): Learn everywhere with instant translations - [Translation Tools](https://www.hellotalk.com/features/translation.md): Instant translation between any languages - [AI-Powered Apps](https://www.hellotalk.com/aiapps.md): Access specialized learning tools - [Language AI Apps](https://www.hellotalk.com/aiapps.md): Discover our AI-powered language learning applications - [All Features](https://www.hellotalk.com/features.md): Explore all learning features and tools - [Download](https://www.hellotalk.com/download.md): Get HelloTalk on iOS and Android ## Author - **Name**: 陈先胜 - **Username**: @shiyiwei ## Content 【高情商沟通30-对话】无论婚姻还是友谊，连接所有陪伴关系的纽带都是对话。 如果想要成为超级沟通者，我们需要仔细倾听对方的表达和言外之意，提出正确的问题，识别并回应对方的情绪，同时让对方了解我们的感受。 沟通的本质在于建立连接、保持同步。这个至关重要的认知也被称为“匹配原则”，即有效的沟通需要我们识别正在进行的对话类型，并以此做出调整，互相匹配。简而言之，如果对方非常情绪化，那么你也要流露出自己的情绪；如果对方正在专心致志地思考决策，那么你也应该步调一致地跟上节奏；如果对方关注的是社会影响，那么你也应该据此予以回应。 需要明确的是，匹配绝不意味着亦步亦趋的模仿。有效的沟通需要我们真正理解对方的感受，洞察他们的需求，认识他们是谁。为了协调同步，我们也需要通过分享做出正确的回应。唯有步调一致，我们才会开始建立连接。也正是从那一刻起，有意义的对话才会真正展开。 简单来说，对话类型大致可以分为以下三种：务实对话、情感对话和社交对话。我们可以分别用三个问题对这三种对话进行阐释：这究竟是关于什么的？我们的感受如何？我们是谁？每一种对话类型将启动不同的思维模式和心智处理程序。 第一种思维模式，即决策选择的思维模式，与“这究竟是关于什么的”对话类型相关。当我们思考和分析具体的实际问题时，比如做出选择或分析计划时，我们就会启动这种思维模式。 我们会做出一系列的决定，大多是潜意识的，我们不仅会评估对方的用词，还会考虑其背后有可能隐藏的动机或欲望，比如“谈话是严肃的？还是开玩笑的？”“我是应该发表意见呢，还是听听就好？” ，在进行决策型对话时，我们要始终保持一颗好奇心，多去问一些问题，用心倾听对方的想法和需求，这样才能做到互相尊重彼此的利益，在了解了对方的真正需求之后，我们便可以提出各种各样新的建议和话题，然后仔细观察对方的反应，进而引导整个对话朝着双方都能够满意的结果去稳步发展。 第二种思维模式，即情感思维模式，会出现在“我们的感受如何”的对话中。这类对话会启动大脑的神经结构，诸如伏隔核、杏仁核和海马体等。这些神经结构会帮助我们塑造信仰、情感和记忆。 当我们讲述一个有趣的故事，或与配偶发生争执，或在沟通过程中体验到一股莫名的悲伤或骄傲的情绪时，我们的情感思维模式便在发挥作用。 心理学家 NICHOLAS APPLEE 就曾提出过这样一个观点，他认为最有效的对话方式就是要多去询问对方内心深处的想法，尤其是要关注他们的价值观、内心感受以及过往的经历等方面。 有一个非常著名的心理学实验叫做“The thirty six questions that lead to love”，在这个实验中，研究人员通过让两个陌生人互相回答一系列深刻且富有情感内涵的问题，来观察他们之间关系的变化。这些问题涵盖了很多非常私人且敏感的话题，比如“你预感自己会怎么离世”，“你和你的妈妈关系怎么样”，“在你所有的家人中，谁的去世让你感到最不安”，“分享一个你人生中的困境”等等。令人惊讶的是，在完成这一系列问答之后，参与者之间所建立起来的关系，竟然比他们人生中以往任何一段关系都要深厚得多，甚至有两对参与者在六个月之后就步入了婚姻的殿堂。 由此可见，我们在与人沟通交流的过程中，千万不要害怕去问一些敏感的、深刻的问题，因为深度的人际关系建立的前提恰恰就是双方能够互相袒露自己的脆弱之处。 我们要学会通过恰当的问题去引导对方分享内心的情感世界，同时也适时地分享自己的相关经历和感受，这样才能让彼此之间的信任不断加深，关系更加融洽。 第三种思维模式，即社交思维模式，会出现在我们探讨人际关系、他人对我们的看法、我们的自我认知以及自身社会身份的对话中。这些讨论均与“我们是谁”有关。 当交流双方各自进行不同类型的对话时，就容易发生沟通障碍。如果一方在倾诉情感，另一方却在讨论具体问题，那么双方实际上是在使用完全不同的认知语言。这也就解释了为什么当你抱怨自己的朋友——“真是的，吉姆简直快把我逼疯了！”，而你的伴侣却在为你提供实际建议——“你为什么不邀请他一起吃个午饭”时，你们之间会发生冲突——因为此时你真正想要的是理解，而不是解决方案。 ## Images 1. 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